| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|05:39 am] |
i didnt really notice it until he decided to.....end us, how military everything is. i just saw a commercial for friggin radio shack ad how they are "deploying new phones for christmas". every where i look everyting is talking about army navy marines...i cant say that i hate it because im very pro military but seeing these things i just think about how much he hurt me and how much i want that life again and how everytime he asks to get back together and takes it back its like a slap in the face....WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? i love the abuse apparently.
if i could have one thing i wish hed get counseling. i see how he acts and whether he realizes it or not he has some issues. i dontt eveb ask anymore because he gets upset with me i think he knows there could be something wrong. its a double edged sword tho...lose the military because they diagnose something or lose his life or all his money or whatever because he doesnt get into counseling...
god keep him safe.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2009|06:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | angry at myself | ] |
am i shallow?
a perfectly nice decent guy asks me out and i am absolutley disgusted. i imagine holding hands with him and i just feel bad...i cant explain that feeling. it starts in my stomach and makes me feel nauseous...
maybe i am genuinley uninterested? maybe its a sign i should steer clear? and its not that i feel this way about all guys... i dont feel this ways about guys who are out of my league...guys who arent interested in me....guys who ignore me....what the hell is my problem? i hate this i think theres something wrng with me...
i feel ridiculous.
is it possible that im not truly over him? i can go on a date with a random person and not feel anything because its dinner but when it comes to anything that might turn into something serious... i freak out and get sick at the thought of being in the same car...ugh i have issues.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2009|05:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
men in uniform....my goodness.... |
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| consider me gone |
[Oct. 3rd, 2009|06:49 am] |
Every time I turn the conversation to something deeper than the weather I can feel you always shuttin' down.
And when I need an explanation for the silence, you just tell me you don't wanna talk about it now.
What you're not saying is coming in loud and clear, we're at a crossroads here...
If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this then I guess we're done
Let's not drag this on
Consider Me Gone
With you I've always been wide open, like a window or an ocean. There is nothing I've ever tried to hide.
So when you leave me not knowin' where you're goin' I start thinkin' that we're lookin', we're lookin' at goodbye.
How about a strong shot of honesty, don't you owe that to me...
If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this then I guess we're done
Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone.
Consider me a memory.
Consider me the past.
Consider me a smile in an old photograph, someone who used to make you laugh.
If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
Then I guess we're done, let's not drag this on.
Consider me gone.
Consider me gone.
Consider me gone.
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2009|03:49 pm] |
ugh bad day
very fucking bad day |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|06:48 pm] |
Well $20 for a pair of nice shoes isnt bad.
and $15 dollars for an old navy hoodie isnt bad.
and $4.99 for a shirt isnt bad at all
but all together thats $40.
then theres tax and shipping. jesus. allah. buddah.
$50 for 3 things...thats nauseating
blame it on the winter weather. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|09:06 am] |
the waves of pain that had only lapped at me before, rose high up and washed over my head.
I promise that this will be the last time you’ll hear from me. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. I told you it will be as if I’d never existed.
you were supposed to be the person i relied on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2009|07:21 pm] |
i told him id do anything and he stopped talking to me.....w...t...f
together....or not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2009|07:20 pm] |
im watching LA Ink.
The show is about Breast Cancer Awareness month.
Its so sad....all these stories about people having cancer and not surviving...everyone needs to reexamine their life and realize they dont have it as bad as they think they do.
on a happier note, i was informed by Greg to watch Modern Family on hulu.com. It looks funny on TV and he says it hilarious. so ill watch it and let everyone know.
oh yeah! next week i work two motherfucking days. omg =( |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2009|12:45 pm] |
ugh....i miss him.
i miss everything i had
i miss my life
i want it back.
id do almost anything.
im like....the dumbest person alive. |
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| I DONT KNOW IF I CAN YELL ANY LOUDER |
[Sep. 22nd, 2009|06:31 pm] |
im over people saying they are going to help me and then dont.
im tired of people thinking only about themselves, im tired of my emotions being played with and im tired of being ignored and lied to.
i had to go to the hospital sunday night....actually it was monday morning...but sunday night i was just sick and blah so i went to bed. well around 4 am i woke up, it felt like i was definetly having a miscarriage...so i got sick in the upstairs bathroom then in the downstairs bathroom when a miraculous and random text came thru on my phone. "Doing anything today?"...it was Blondie. "Probably nothing I think Im going to die today." ....even in death im a smartass. the rest of the conversation is as follows....
blondie- lol what do you mean
me- no 'lol' im sick. like really sick...
blondie-whats wrong
me- ive been throwing up for like 40 minutes
blondie- why
me-...idk.
blondie- do u need to go to the hospital?
me- yeah. i think so.
blondie-k , im right around the corner be there in 30 seconds.
(its not verbatim, i spellchecked lol some people dont know how to spell up in here)
so i brushed my teeth and grabbed my purse and suprise i dont have my ID, to show i had tricare so Blondie had to pay for it. now im in debt to someone else. lol. and wouldnt tell me how much it was...so i have to be extra nice. lol
at the hospital, i waited as usual, for 5 am it was sort of busy...i layed across the chair bench thing trying to stay as still as i could. i was so disturbed by the thought of throwing up in front of the people in the ER i supressed...i actually did really good, i only threw up once and it was when blondie went off to find a bathroom so it wasnt even infront of anyone lol, that was after they put me in a room with a rock hard caveman bed from the 80s (i swear to God) i layed in the fetal position until the i was hooked up to an IV cause i said i threw up so much they thought id be dehydrated. i was really tired and finally ready to sleep and they wanted to talk and ask questions...omg. finally they told me i had food poisoning and they wrote me an RX for phenergan (which makes u not want to throw up lol) i pop them bitches like candy. finally at 11 we left i slept on the way home and then on the couch for a little while until i had to go to work...it didnt occur to me to call out and by the time i realized i should i didnt have time and decided i needed money and if I needed to go home then id go home.
i want someone to call me theirs.
i want new clothes
i want to sell my old clothes
i want to start over...new clothes, new car, new place to live, new surroundings.
i dance around this empty house, tear us down, throw you out, im screaming down the halls, spinning all around and now we fall
{ill change the drapes ill break the plates ill find a new place, burn this fucker down} |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2009|11:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
ugh......food poisoning.....want to die.
and still have to work..... |
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| grr |
[Sep. 18th, 2009|06:37 pm] |
life is so unbearably hard.
why cant marriages work out? selfishness....im over this town.
im done. good bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|05:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
"i cant live like this anymore. i want, I need ...all or nothing!." |
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| ...</3 |
[Sep. 13th, 2009|12:57 pm] |
omg tims in jail. im freaking out. i feel helpless. i have no one to talk to either....not that i want to talk about it...i want to supress the feelings of hurt and anger until they go away.
omg i dont know anything. i hope he gets out soon and calls me. i cant stand this feeling. |
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| </3 |
[Sep. 12th, 2009|08:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
"i dont like going to walmart...what if there were a man there selling papers? what if he was selling a few papers?"
"i dont know I guess it would be sunday."
please do this and email it to me!
When did you first meet Sarah?
Did you like Sarah when you first met them?
How long have you know Sarah?
What is your funniest memory of Sarah?
What is your best memory of Sarah?
What word/phrase does Sarah use too much?
What would you change about Sarah if you could?
Has Sarah ever done anything to make you mad?
If Sarah was to become a movie star, what kind of movies would they make?
If Sarah was a food, what food would they be?
Have you ever seen Sarah cry?
When was the last time you saw Sarah laugh?
Which famous person does Sarah look like most?
If you had $1,000 to spend on Sarah what would you buy them?
Do you think Sarah would make a good President of the United States?
If you found out Sarah was in jail, what crime do you think it would be for?
What 3 words best describe Sarah?
What song most reminds you of Sarah?
What one thing would you like to say to Sarah?
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